The Man Who Once Dreamed of Service

At 23, I stepped into my PhD journey, full of questions and curiosity. There, I met a man who is 32 years old, married, and living what society might call an “ordinary” life. But behind his eyes, I sensed a heavy burden. 

He told me about his past—how he was once a topper, a bright mind with endless passion to serve others. His dream was to become a civil servant through TNPSC examinations, a path thousands in Tamil Nadu aspire to. For years, he poured his heart into it. Days turned into months, months into years, and before he knew it, he was 30, still chasing a dream that kept slipping away. 

“Competition is too heavy,” he said. “And luck was never on my side.” 

 

At 30, he gave up. Not because he didn’t have the ability, but because society’s timeline—and his own—made him feel defeated. Today, he no longer dreams for himself. He wakes up each day simply to fulfill the needs of his wife and parents. In his own words, he is “unsuccessful” according to society’s definition of success. 

 A Story I Shared with Him 

Listening to him, I remembered a story of my friend. Her journey was not easy either. She lost her mother while studying in the 5th grade, and later, while in college, she lost her father too. Imagine the void—a young girl forced to grow up too soon, with no parents to guide her. 

For years, survival was her only focus. Education, responsibilities, emotional battles—everything rested on her shoulders. But she never gave up. It took her 9 years of pain, patience, and persistence to reach a point where she could say: “Now, I live life as per my wish.” 

Her story is not about motivation, but about perspective. 

Your Problem Is Not “The” Problem

I told him, “See, your problem is not really a problem. You think it is, but it actually isn’t.” 

 

Why? Because problems are often a matter of how we perceive them. To one person, failing an exam after 5 attempts is the end of the world. To another, losing both parents at a young age is just the beginning of a battle. 

When you see others who carry heavier burdens and still move forward, you realize that maybe your situation, while painful, is not the final wall. It is just a test of perspective. 

We cannot compare struggles, but we can learn from them. Life is not about avoiding pain—it is about facing it wisely. 

 

 Society’s Definition vs. True Success 

This man saw himself as “unsuccessful” because society has a rigid checklist: 

- Good job by 25. 

- Marriage by 28. 

- Settled life by 30. 

- House, car, children by 35. 

 

But life is not an assembly line. People bloom at different times. Some achieve fame in their 20s, some in their 40s, and some even later. Society never tells you that your timeline can be different—and still valid. 

True success is not just about money, status, or titles. It is about whether you are at peace with yourself, whether you keep growing, and whether you continue to live with dignity and purpose. 

 

 Taking Control of the Future by Acting in the Present 

I told him, “The only thing you can really do is take control of the future by acting in the present. Plans may not always go your way—that’s nature. But your effort today decides your tomorrow.” 

Dreams don’t have deadlines, but actions do. If you want tomorrow to be different, you must move today, however small the step may be. 

Even if he doesn’t return to TNPSC, he can build a new career, pursue a new skill, or even create meaning in other ways. The past is already written, but the future is still a blank page. 

 

 The Nature of Life: Acceptance and Adaptation 

The first step to making life easier is understanding this simple truth: things will not always go as you wish. 

- You may study hard and still not clear an exam. 

- You may love someone and not end up with them. 

- You may work faithfully in a company and still not get recognized. 

 

This is not always because of weakness—it is because of nature. Life is not designed to fulfill every plan we make. 

But here’s the beauty: the moment you accept this, life becomes lighter. You stop fighting the universe and start flowing with it. 

 

A Reflection on Perspective  

At 32, my friend felt life was over. But the truth is, he still has decades ahead—decades to redefine, rebuild, and rediscover himself. 

      - Colonel Sanders (KFC founder) was rejected hundreds of times and started his empire in his 60s. 

      - J.K. Rowling was rejected 12 times before Harry Potter changed her life. 

Age is not the enemy. The real enemy is losing hope.

 

 Life Is Not a Race, It’s an Exploration 

I reminded him: “Once I was a last-bench student, but today I’m exploring life in ways I never imagined. Everything seems interesting when you start seeing life as an exploration, not a race.” 

The same applies to him. Maybe he didn’t become a civil servant, but maybe he can become a teacher, a writer, an entrepreneur, or even a mentor for other aspirants. Who knows? The possibilities are endless once the mind is free. 

 

Finally, I told him something simple, which I now share with you: 

👉 “Your problem is not the end of your story. It is just the beginning of a new chapter. The pen is still in your hands.” 

Or in the words of Viktor Frankl: 

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”